Death

There are several reasons why my thoughts this morning are drawn to what my culture calls death. Though I have been taught to think of death as something to be avoided, I choose to think of death as a teacher. Death has taught me how to cherish this moment, since the next one is not guaranteed. Death has also taught me not to wait to tell people that I love them. “Someday” is not in my hand. Now is when I have the opportunity to do, to take action, to be. Today, I am grateful for the lessons death has taught me. I look froward to what comes next.

Feeling Good

I feel really good today. This reminds me of the importance of letting go. Getting hung up on any experience, including this one, would leave me stuck in the past, and missing what is happening in the moment. My letting go practice is always difficult, but especially at times like this. Feeling good is hard to let go of, but I remember that as happiness can turn into sadness, sadness can turn into happiness. Everything is a cycle intersecting with everything else.

As seductive as it is to try to stay in feeling good, I know that keeping my head up and my eyes open will allow me to see what is possible, but just beyond my current experience. That's where I found “feeling good” in the first place.

Distractions

This morning I find myself distracted by many things, and it gets me thinking about distractions. I heard an old friend's voice on the radio a couple days ago, and I immediately started thinking about writing him. I hadn't though about this particular person for years, but hearing his voice brought him back to my attention. I was reminded of how I get most distracted by what is in front of me, in my local awareness. I see many intersecting spider webs on the dew soaked screen and I wonder what Spider was thinking or following when it made the web. A bird lights on a rose bush and I wonder what kind of bird it is. It happens all the time. I remember that I can make choices about many of the things that show up in the territory of my attention. Not the birds or the spiders, but I can choose to be outside where the birds are likely to show up. I can also choose to stair at my computer screen and wait to see what shows up. Without evaluating these options as better or worse, today I am simple remembering that I can make choices, and see where that leads me.

Rain

It is an other rainy day in New England. I could  remind myself of all the platitudes about what spring rain brings and how the clouds allow the water to recharge the aquifers, but I have a different idea. Rather then try to convince myself I am happy about the rain, I can work on my acceptance practice.

Accepting the rain as what is doesn't require me thinking I am happy about it. I simply accept that rain is what is happening right now. It is something I can't control, and I can recognize it as such. If I don't, I can't be where I am right here, right now.

Today I am working on accepting what is, so I can be where I am. Right here. Right now.
 

Mayfly

This morning there was a Mayfly resting on one of the screens in the screen house. The light shone faintly through its wings. A Mayfly leg is as thin as a strand of hair, and it seems implausible that something so fine can endure, but it does. It got me thinking about the specific balance between air pressure and mater that makes it possible for anything to exist.

The scientific vocabulary now includes the idea that a unit of life is better understood as a network, rather than an individual. I would extend this idea and say that a network is better understood as a relationship between things. In saying this, am not so much referring to the “things” but the “between” that is the relationship.

For me, existence is only in this moment and in the space between. Mayfly reminds me of the culmination of perfection that is this moment and this space in between, this singular unit of life.

Questions

I love asking questions. Not any questions, though. I love to ask questions that illuminate people's purposes, passions, and callings. The Phoebes are nesting under the peak of the Eastern end of the cabin. I can watch them flying in and out of their nest from our bedroom window. This morning I opened my eyes and saw one hover briefly outside the window before flying to the nest. I wanted to ask the bird why it stopped to hover.

Then it occurred to me that if I wanted to know, I could sit and watch them for a while. It would eventually become clear. That's the thing about birds and such. If you want to know why they do what they do, all you have to do is watch. Their intentions are manifest in what they do. These Phoebes are obviously committed to feeding their babies. I don't have to ask them. They are telling me by doing what they do. It strikes me that there is a deep honesty in this. The Phoebes are doing what matters to them. They are living their purposes in their actions. In the moments of their lives they embody what they are committed to.

I am committed to illuminating the unique importance of every person by asking questions that manifest their purpose for being. The Phoebes remind me that my commitment should be obvious enough for someone watching me to understand what it is.

Bird Song

This morning, as I listened to the bird song, it occurred to me that bird song is honest. Then I wondered if the birds were telling the truth. Then it occurred to me that honesty and truth are not the same thing. Honesty asks that I do something. Truth asks that I know something. Perhaps the intersection of doing and knowing is far more simple with Bird. I hear the essence of Bird when they sing. Today I will strive to be honest. If there is truth on that, all the better.

Circles

Early this morning the Cat circled the room twice before settling down on our bed for a nap. The Dog turned on her cushion several time before finding the perfect orientation to lay down and go back to sleep. Even in the squareness of the cabin, they find circles. They reminded me that circles are everywhere. In the cycles of the seasons, the seasons of life, the orbits of the planets, circles dominate our existence and remind me that everything is connected.

In the June Scientific American magazine I read that “the unit of life may not be an individual, but a network.” I am grateful for the privilege of being a part of everything including the Cat's circle and the Dog's cushion.

Hard Work

This morning it is raining. The phoebes have to work hard. They are fly catchers. That means they catch bugs on the wing. When it rains, most of the bugs take cover, and wait for the rain to subside. But the Phoebe babies cant wait. They need to eat. So their parents work harder.

I watch and remember that sometimes I have to work harder to get past my thoughts. So the Phoebe parents fly out into the rain, and the tel tail flip in the air that happens when they catch something shows me that that babies will be fed. And I come back to now.

Sitting

As I sat on the deck this morning, I watched what the Phoebes were doing. This brought me back to what I was doing. I was sitting. I came back to my senses; the weight of my body on the deck, the breeze on my skin, the color of the trees, my breath. Then I heard the high squeak of the baby Phoebes, as their parents returned to the nest with food.

Service

Today I am wondering what I can do to be of service. A family of Phoebes lives on the East side of the cabin. I sit and watch them going to the nest to feed their young over and over again, stopping only to look at me. They remind me of the importance of giving without concern for myself. They serve a larger purpose than themselves. Their work is in service of all Phoebes. Their personal needs are secondary to the survival of their species. They remind me how I can become distracted by my individual needs and forget about those around. We together are more than each of us alone. Today I will work in service of Us.

Here and Now

For me the hardest part about being here and now, is remembering not to get seduced by distractions. Could'a, Should'a, Would'a, the future, the past, and my imagination are the biggest culprits. Catching myself in any of these territories is the first step. Once I remember to catch myself, I am back.

This morning I heard a bird call that was so high I could barely hear it. It reminded me that, as amazing as the world is, I only ever see a part of it. My perception is limited by my senses. Today I am grateful for the parts of experience that I can't even perceive, but that I'm sure effect me in some way.

This morning I woke up with a song.

Until those clouds disappear

I will be waiting for you

The song is about a specific kind of patience. The kind that has no agenda. The kind that knows that I have to go through what I have go to through to get where I need to be. And the kind that does not dictate that place. Today I am reminded of the importance of this kind of patience.

On Forgiveness

I learned about forgiveness from a friend of mine. She told me her husband was having an affair. Her first reaction was to leave him, but she had a strong sense that leaving was the wrong thing to do.

Weeks passed. He told her it was over, she found out it wasn't. He told her it was over again, she found out is wasn't, again. It went on like that. All the while we wondered together why she didn't think leaving him was what she was supposed to do. It must have been six months in. She was catching me up on the situation and she realized why it had been so important for her to stay.

She needed to forgive him.

In 2006, when the Amish people forgave the man who murdered their children, they didn't do it for him. They did it because they knew that if they didn't forgive him, it would destroy their community. Their anger would rip them apart. They needed to be freed from it, and from him.

Forgiveness isn't for the culprit, it is for the victim. Forgiveness is a way for us to disconnect ourselves from the actions of others. When I forgive someone for some wrong they have done, it is not because I think what they did was okay. Its because there isn't anything I can do about it now. Carrying my anger has no effect on the person, or what happened, it just weighs on me. Forgiveness is how I drop the burden that anger hefts on my shoulders.

Forgiveness is also a way for me to disconnect myself from the past. Having not lead a life of perfection myself, I can get focused the unintentional effects my actions have had on others. Endless guilt and shame, however, is useless to them, and keeps me locked in the past, where I am powerless. Forgiving myself allows me to bring my focus back to the present. In the now, I can commit to actions that are testament to the mistakes I have made. I can't undo my errors. They live in the unchanging past. The best I can do is to live my life today, founded in the lessons I've learned, so I don't make the same mistakes again.

My friend still hasn't left her husband. Though he says the affair is over, she can not know for sure. What has changed is that she is no longer tied to his mistakes. The anger and frustration his actions caused is melting, like old snow in the spring sunshine. Through her forgiveness, she has returned her focus to her path. I count this a victory for her, since that was all she was responsible for in the first place.

On Acceptance

I like to say that acceptance is not compliance. Compliance would be saying that I am okay with everything that is going on. Acceptance is simply recognizing what is going on. Compliance would be saying that I am okay with everything that has happened. Acceptance is realizing that what has happened has already happened, and that I can not change the past. Compliance would position me to be okay with whatever will happen. Acceptance keeps me from wasting energy on what I can't do, so I can use my energy to change what I can. Compliance is a passive position. Acceptance prepares me for action.

I like to use the image of crossing the river on a set of stepping stones. Without acceptance, I travel along, distracted by things I can't control, teetering on unsteady stones. Acceptance balances me firmly on the stone I am on, so I can prepare to take the next step. Acceptance is about being here, now. Use acceptance to bring you back to the moment.

On Fear

We live in a time where fear of strangers is on the rise. This kind of fear has never been useful, and there are many examples of its destructive power. But when violence seems to be erupting all around us, it can be difficult to know what to do. This is the sort of circumstance when I like to ask my favorite question. What to do in order to achieve what? By adding, “In order to achieve what,” I clarify my intentions.

My answer is that I would like to reduce the fear and violence. I always say that the answer to my favorite question has to be something that is in my control. So what can I actually do? I have a limited sphere of control. I can control my actions, and I can control my choices. But what action can I take to address the violence I see evolving in our world?

I believe that the most important thing I can do is to treat the people around me with kindness. I believe that by reaching out to people in my life with care and respect, I am enacting what would otherwise just be a wish. I am turning my desire for a more just world into action; Local, achievable action.

I am also declining the invitation to think that there is nothing I can do to address what is becoming a global issue. Join me, because if you also reach out to the people around you, and the people you reach out to do the same, we will, one person at a time, change a landscape of fear and isolation onto one of community and common purpose. By local simple action, we will change the world.

The Cure for "The Overwhelmed"

The Cure for "The Overwhelmed."

This is a time of year when the overwhelmed can take over. I have a simple solution. . .

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, its usually because I'm thinking about what I should be doing or could be doing. I'm not thinking about what I AM doing. Catching myself thinking about what I'm not doing is the beginning of the solution. Once I have caught myself in the future or the past, I am attending to what I'm doing, because that's what I'm doing.

The next step is to bring my attention back to the moment I am in. Maybe I think I'm not doing anything in this moment, and that's what set me off in the first place. The thing is, I can't be doing nothing. I am always breathing. So the next thing to do is to bring my attention back to my breath.

Now I can attend to how I am breathing. When I'm overwhelmed my breathing is usually shallow. There I lots of neurological research out there about why that is a bad idea, but I wont get into that now. A few slow intentional breaths brings me back to what I am doing and where I am: In this moment.

From here, I go onto the next step. Deciding what to do now. Doing the next right thing is all I have to do, and all we can ever do. Research also tells us that we never truly multitask. We are always doing one thing, and one thing only. By bringing my attention back to this, I can more fully engage in what I am actually doing. For me this makes it less likely that I'll mess us what I'm doing and have to do it again. Now my attention is on what I can control, my current actions, and not on what I might do later or should have already done. My breath focuses me on now and here, and, for this moment, the overwhelmed looses its grip.

On Gratitude

The final Stand Up For Love Practice is to remind myself to stay grateful. Gratitude is a central part of my life.

The central power of my gratitude practice is this: Gratitude it is something I can do. And I can do it anytime and anywhere. In this way, regardless of what I am facing, I can make the choice to take up gratitude. Happiness is something that may or may not happen. Most of what might make me happy is out of my control. Joy, similarly, is something that may or may not be present in my life. Gratitude is an action, like acceptance and forgiveness. It is not a feeling or a belief. Unlike acceptance or forgiveness, there is always something for me to be grateful for. To bring this whole week of Stand Up For Love Practices full circle, the first thing I am grateful for is my breath. Because of this, all that needs to happen for me to be grateful is that I breath. The rest flows from there.

On Curiosity

The Standing Up For Love Practice for today is to remind myself to stay curious. The practice of genuine, sincere, heartfelt curiosity enlivens me. Through curiosity, I see the world around me as ever changing, providing infinite possibilities. Curiosity practice is also a great way for me to avoid getting stuck in assumptions and judgments.

Genuine curiosity does a lot for me. For one, it invites me to move away from an expert position. I don't have to have all the answers. And the questions I ask can be really basic, like, “What do you mean by that,” and “Why is that important to you?” You can imagine how these questions might sound if not asked from a position of genuine curiosity. They could sound defensive or intrusive. However, when I take up a position of heartfelt curiosity, they come across as an invitation. I am asking someone to speak to those things that matter to them. Asking someone about what matters to them creates real possibilities for further exploration into territories of experience as yet unexplored. I once had a student say, “When you ask me these question it helps ME understand what I mean.”

Taking a position of curiosity is a personal act of resistance against ways of being that can stagnate me by suggesting that I should know everything, or that everything can be known. A position of curiosity offers the possibility of creating rich descriptions of people. Rich descriptions of people are hard to categorize. They represent a wide variety of ways of being. They stand up against descriptions that suggest that there are good people and bad people, happy people and sad people, right people and wrong people. They describe a world rich with diversity. I believe they represent the world more accurately, as one rich with possibilities, awash with variety and capable of sustaining us all, just as we are.